IF ___ WERE BRANDS
An ongoing experiment in translating identity across categories.
Brand strategy is essentially an exercise in asking: If this is true, what else must be true?
What if dog breeds were retail brands?
What if sushi rolls were fashion houses?
What if tequila brands were people planning a girls' trip?
These fictional brand experiments follow one identity all the way through positioning, products, customer culture, experience, and visual language.
The premise may be ridiculous.
The strategy isn't.
Labradoodle Resort Sportswear
If the Labradoodle were a retail brand, he’d obviously own an American resort sportswear company. Meet the fictional brand built on audacious prep, impeccable construction, deeply unserious clothes, and the unwavering conviction that whimsy without tradition is just kitsch.
Chihuahua Tequila
If the Chihuahua were a retail brand, she’d obviously own a premium tequila company. Meet the fictional brand built on genuine provenance, impeccable taste, questionable judgment, and the unwavering conviction that quality without character is just snobbishness.
Pitbull Technologies
If the Pitbull were a retail brand, he’d obviously own a security technology company. Meet the fictional brand built on personal protection, uncompromising privacy, stupidly simple technology, and the unwavering conviction that protection without discernment is just aggression.
Husky Runners Club
If the Siberian Husky were a retail brand, he’d obviously own an all-weather running company. Meet the fictional brand built for people who think shitty weather makes the run better—and the unwavering conviction that exercise without adversity is just performance.
Afghan Luxury Haircare
If the Afghan Hound were a retail brand, she’d obviously own a luxury haircare company. Meet the fictional brand built on ingredient scrutiny, accessible luxury, and the unwavering conviction that purity without scrutiny is just a claim.
Poodle Pâtisserie
If the Standard Poodle were a retail brand, she’d obviously own a luxury French pâtisserie. Meet the fictional brand built on impeccable standards, cultivated excess, and the unwavering conviction that tradition without standards is just nostalgia.